Hashtags are now more important to titles than majuscule.
Is https://www.change.org/p/donald-trump-intrumpigence-quotient-challenge too “on the nose”?
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Sometimes, the worthiest causes are the least likely and the most ridiculous.
If Donald Trump manages to beat Rex Tillerson in respective I.Q. scores, I understand the signees will mostly rely on the honor system when pledging their public fealty to the Republicans for the next decade; and this means little on account of honor being the least valued public commodity in the Nation, with “privacy” a close second. Even if every celebrity currently on social media promoted this petition in the next week, the public takes their pledges to honor anything nearly as unseriously as they do with pledges from elected officials. I have less reason still to think President Trump’d be persuaded to take part in this ridiculous contest: the man is a lifelong coward who, on the significantly more valuable celebrity-word than POTUS’ of Clay Aiken, couldn’t even pick who to fire on a rule-free reality show without the producers telling him who to pick beforehand, let alone get past the “bone-spur” that 4-A’d his pussy-white ass outta Vietnam.
Not only do I hope I’m wrong on all that, I’ll be happier should Donald J. Trump, Sr., score against Rex Tillerson the higher the gap. I even made my own hashtag for the matter that I put in the title, just to see if I can start a storm worthy of it’s own cable-news headline containing a word ending in “-gate”, regardless of #InTRUMPigenceQuotient’s outcome.
Make no mistake: nothing on Earth could make This Author love or like a man who named his youngest son after his imaginary friend*. I dislike the man on a personal level more than I have ever disliked another human being, including those whom legitimately have committed worse crimes than the Alt-Reichmarschall will ever conduct. (Compliments solely to centuries of precedent and the labors of the Founding Fathers. Even Hitler himself couldn’t be Hitler himself under the constraints of the Rule of Law.) This assertion alone will get me plenty of abuse, but Christopher Hitchens was right to note the only meaningful criterion to judge a politician by is the one most routinely dismissed as a red-herring by desperate partisan hacks and the sociopathically corrupt: Personality, or “the trait immune to flip-flops”.
Intelligence is also immune to flip-flops, and it’d be refreshing to see irrefutable proof that Donald Trump possesses a quality that can be put to a useful service, even though not one accomplishment yet sighted by his fanatics as proof of their God-Emperor’s “best words” has any claim to legitimacy when cast under the slightest scrutiny:
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- He wasn’t the creator of The Apprentice (Survivor‘s Mark Burnett), nor did he pick who to fire on the show (see, Aiken), nor does selling unbranded lemonade provide any business experience to anybody with an active pituitary gland (a.n., 20 million people watched that!? No wonder Nickelback got famous.), nor could a real job of any sort be possible with Omarosa Manigault as a top-tier applicant.
- His tough-guy machismo bears no connection to the substance of his life: He never served in the military, nor worked a job involving manual labor, nor have any of the jobs he’s had in his life – bar one Stone Cold Stunner in 2007 – required any degree of danger nor physical exertion on his part.
- Millions of people in the most powerful country on Earth think disliking him means supporting Hillary Clinton, an assertion nearly as insulting as calling Winston Churchill a Stalinist.
- He eats well-done steak, yet still had the nerve to set up a Trump Steaks® line. You might as well hire War Machine to guard a battered-women’s shelter.
- Millions of people in the most powerful country on Earth like him personally. They cheer for him, pray for him, and admire him more than they’ve ever admired anyone they’ve voted for in their lives because they never checked the cover of The Art of the Deal and ran “Tony Schwartz” – a name equal in font size to Trump’s own on the cover! – through a search engine. Surely they could’ve devoted themselves to a more deserving politician? say, Strom Thurmond? or Sarah Palin? or Silvio Berlusconi?
- Trump has never refuted anything Tony Schwartz said about writing The Art of the Deal by himself. He sued Timothy O’Brien for less damaging assertions. Why hasn’t he done the same for Schwartz when this information directly affects the sales of the book that made him a star?
- Wrestlemanias IV and V had the deadest, shittiest crowds in the history of ’80s pro-wrestling. Because they were both hosted at Trump Plaza.
- No offense to the wrestlers. They did the best they could with what they had.
- He has access to the most powerful intercontinental-weapons system on Earth. A witch-doctress’ son in Office can’t cause much damage outside of Equatorial Guinea: the spoiled-cunt son of a Yankee real-estate mogul in Office will solve Global Warming with Nuclear Winter.
- Speaking of “Yankee”: what the hell is the Stars-and-Bars crowd doing giving their undying support to a Goddamn New Yorker? Tens of millions of you down in Dixie were happy to vote for the cuntiest Yankee since Rudy Giuliani? You people are a disgrace to your ancestors.
- His supporters – and a disturbing number of his opponents – think that supporting him needs be a permanent stance and a binary choice. It’s not. Nor was it ever in Our Country. Trump’s election in and of itself is proof that there’s no such thing as “electability”, nor “predictability”. The amount of violence and corruption it takes to truly render a country powerless unto their government is beyond anything that a country where judicial decisions are binding, and fiat is tinder built on sand, could ever experience without at least twenty years of sustained assault.
- Every cunt who shouted “Flight 93 Election!” was wrong, no matter who they voted for.
- The one skill I admit he has is his talent for: celebrity. In my opinion, Donald Trump has more talent for celebrity than anyone else in the World today; but being a celebrity has no bearing on any other talents, least of all the complexity of governing the World’s largest and most powerful liberal democracy. Celebrities include the illiterate, the addled, the insane, the felonious, child-beauty-pageant contestants, unwed teenage mothers, and children of real-estate moguls.
- After his victory, The Federalist went from printing articles like “How Close Was Donald Trump to the Mob?”, to “Why Anthony Scaramucci Is The Man Trump and America Need”. Articles which, as the attentive reader’ll notice, come from the same author.
- “Cuckery”, thy name is “Ben Domenech”. Crucified Christ, The Learning Channel took better care of their reputation.
- Every time his yearslong friendship with Jeffrey Epstein is brought up, his supporters immediately assail you for approving of Bill Clinton’s Epstein connection; as if this is not only a binary choice, but one they themselves refute automatically by taking this position, since the doing of such does nothing refutes Trump/Epstein, nor does it show any concern for the alleged pimping of middle-school-age girls to America’s one-percenters ‘less a ‘D’ hangs next to their name on CNN.
- The theater must always be a safe and special place. – Donald J. Trump, Sr.
- Between his ties to Eduard Nektalov, David Bogatin, Dana Rohrabacher, and Felixs Komarov and Sater, he has the least-plausibly innocent relationships of any American celebrity since Michael Jackson decided to exclusively befriend male child-stars between the ages of eight and fourteen. These are not allegations of a tape with Russian prostitutes: these are provable associations going back nearly two generations, and the Democrats’ soft-balling on Russian corruption before it was politically convenient to oppose the Kremlin again doesn’t change the connections’ fundamental nastiness.
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None of the above will go away should Trump pump out a score worthy of nothing less than 111-D chess grandmastership. Plenty of unlikeable and evil people have high I.Q.s, and plenty of the decent and good have low I.Q.s. Nor am I among the fantasists who think I.Q. doesn’t actually measure intelligence; nor do I fail to recognize that I.Q. is most valuable as a group measure, but far less so individually.** The contest – if, by some dark miracle, it comes to fruition – is an embarrassment to God and Man already for having seriously been considered publicly by the sheriff of a nuclear standoff unequaled in seriousness since the most-recent Indo-Pakistani war.
I’d still take comfort in Trump winning with a Mensa-worthy score and backing all Republicans enthusiastically for the next ten years of my life, including Future-Senator Kid Rock. I’d be happy, because whatever the condition of his soul, it’d show Trump to be qualified and capable beyond my own summation of his talents, the talents of the hundreds of millions of Americans I and others are currently convinced could be picked from randomly and do a better job, and the summations from the tens of millions of Americans who openly and secretly think his intelligence subpar for a child schooled exclusively by Studytech, much less an adult from a first-world country destined from his father’s bank account to attend Our Nation’s best academe.
I don’t care about any insults I’d get from Gavin McInness, Daniel Harris, Stefan Molyneux, That-Canuck-Cuck who thinks he’s a pigeon, Julian Assange, or anyone else who’d wish to amuse themselves by tossing eggs at the face of Someguy, who wants a fanciful job like “independently-wealthy writer” in a country with 300,000,000+ writers and publishers.
I don’t care about the smug, obnoxious Yankee cocksucker the Southerners had the temerity to forgive – for once, amongst all others – gaining yet more bragging rights.
I don’t care if the Republicans exclusively pick candidates from ADX should Trump attain #InTRUMPigenceQuotient victory, just to see what they can get away with, and the Democrats respond by running only candidates from Guantanamo Bay.
I care about living in a country that’s better than I think it is, and having proof of such. It’s high time Our Nation remembered such a thought to be both possible, and sincere.
* Poor Melania’ll never forgive herself for taking the same deal Ivana got on child-naming rights. There’s no way she knew about John Barron before last year.
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O.R. Welles is a current writer and aspiring independently-wealthy writer. He learned long ago the whole thing is quite hopeless, so it’s no good worrying about tomorrow. It probably won’t come.
He also learned to be fine with that: the World is full of pleasure and enjoyment beyond count, all amount of it enjoyed previously shall ne’er lose value, and even those fighting for a right side are guaranteed to lose shall live better and happier than any whom take victory in the name of evil or stupidity shall e’er see.